ooops...

its 12:43am at Robarts...
i wanted to listen to music so hooked my earphones in..
then after about 3mins realized that the earphones werent working but i could still hear the music..
it was playing very loud in public...everyone else could hear it
2min later a girl approached me with a comment, not to play my music aloud
... ~_-*
how embarassing..

it was then that i realized,,
we live in highly personalized private world...
is it a social norm?
no one would dare yell out loud in a library
no on would dare play music aloud in a library
~it never even occurred to me to do it...what i did was an accident, a mistake

but arbitrarly, playing music aloud isn't an accident or a mistake
we are defined by our context

but alone, individually it is an expression of ourselves
not to express that outward but keep it private within ourselves... does it mean that we are ashamed?
why should we be ashamed by the very things that define us? our context?
why should we even live in a world where our surroundings induce us to be ashamed of what it makes us 'be'?

but what could be the harm?
anarchy
...is it truly freedom?

why do i feel so suppressed by the very norms that keep this society together?
im tired of civilization and its superficial rules and fascade

but then again..would it be any different in a rural town.?
i doubt it

it seems freedom can only be found in the totality of nature...
i wish for a forest
with high mountains and deep waters
where i can stand
and scream!!!!!!!

why? is it a justification for my existence or even my presence in the enormity and almost eternal deceitfully static-likeness of it all?

maybe.